Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize