God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
