Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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