Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
