She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
