he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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