You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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