he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize