Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
