Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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