I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
