The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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