dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
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So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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