Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk is a universal language darling
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
