He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
