grandma shit on top of the toilet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
