So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
