dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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