Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
