You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
