im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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