Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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