Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I want is dick and wine.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
