He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we're making bets on your personal life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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