You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
