"it" just moved
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
