smell my finger.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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