I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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