I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
