So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
