Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
