Swine flu. Run for my life!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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