summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
