i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
