I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
