yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
