Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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