we have officially lost it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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