You smell like stripper and shame
I looked at my own cervix.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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