We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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