Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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