did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
