Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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