thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
