Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
