If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This is classic penis vs brain.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
