Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
