I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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