sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
