I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
