Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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