The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
