is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Did I show you my penis last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
