i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
