You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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