She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
worst night to have a conscience
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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