from now on my penis is your penis
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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