I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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