My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
