it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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