I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
