the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
