I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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