Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
